Episode 6: Step One: Find a Bank

A voice came on the line--female. “First Security bank, how may I direct your call?”

I cleared my throat. “Yeah. I was just wondering how much cash you keep in the drawers at your teller stations.”

”Excuse me?”

“How much cash?” I said. “Altogether.”

“Sir, I’m not--”

“I know you’re not able to get back into the safe. I mean, it’s not like I don’t watch the television. And I don’t want to make too much trouble for you, but do you think if I stopped by to rob the place, the tellers would have ten grand total, or would I need to rob multiple banks?”

“Is this some sort of a prank?” the woman on the other end asked.

“Prank? Why would I want to prank you?”

“Because, Mr. . . . Novitsky, we have caller ID, and I know your telephone number and--”

I hung up the phone. So there were some do’s and don’t when you’re looking for a bank to rob. This was just another example of the fact that technology was bad. What’s the use of having telephones if you couldn’t even call the bank to find out if it was worth robbing? None of this would be a problem if banks listed important facts in the phone book. Or if I knew how to use a computer. They probably put all sorts of good information for bank robbers online. Maybe there was even one of those newsgroup thingies for them. As it was, I’d probably have to go and ask the night manager in person. And--

I froze. Did banks stay open at night? I picked another bank number at random from the phone book.

“Campus Credit Union, how may I help you?”

“Are you guys open past sunset?” I asked.

“We have an ATM that’s available 24/7.”

“But what are your office hours? When can people go in and ro--run some money over to deposit it?”

The man paused, possibly confused, then said, “We keep normal opening hours, from nine to five.”

“In the day?”

“What?”

“Nine to five during the day, or nine at night to five in the morning?”

“During the day,” he said. “Is this some sort of a crank call? Because we have caller I--”

I hung up the phone. Cursed banks. America was all about equal opportunity and political correctness, but they blatantly discriminated against the sunlight impaired. If I had the time, I’d sue the banks and get the money that way.

But I didn’t have months. I had a week.

I had thought I’d just be able to waltz in and get the money from a bank. It seemed like I’d have to do a bit more work. That was alright. I’d stayed up during the day today to make it seem like my phone calls weren’t out of place. I’d just go out later and inspect some banks at night--see what sort of security they had.

One way or another, that Rascal would be mine.

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